I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
