Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
