At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
