It's Friday. Sex?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
