put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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