Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize