If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
well you can't waste a boner
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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