Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
