I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
