were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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