the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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