he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize