i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have fence marks all over my body
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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