I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
