the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
