I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
