the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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