He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
vagina is talking i cant
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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