I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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