i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
