The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
