I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
