its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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