My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
