What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
