happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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