He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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