The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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