My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
