don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize