i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
