sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
