If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
