we have officially lost it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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