yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
