Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
