Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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