Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
