OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
