I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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