I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
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Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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