Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize