The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
