Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
