Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
