Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize