I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
