at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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