Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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