Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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