just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
