My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
