Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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