grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
