Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
