dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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