Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
