I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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