oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize