You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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